Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
