on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
someone owes me an orgasm
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
