just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
