So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My balls are so social today.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
