She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
