you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
