we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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