wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
