she told me i tasted like america
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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