I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
