Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
