She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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