I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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