I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
