Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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