Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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