Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize