my phone needs a breathalizer
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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