I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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