at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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