3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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