she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
