I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
