I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
