WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
