I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
