My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
