you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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