He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
