I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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