ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
