he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
