Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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