I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
