I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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