And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize