My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
