I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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