did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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