I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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