He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
