No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
