Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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