Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
