Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She even gives head with a lisp.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is an emotional support booty call
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
