Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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