i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
