she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize