if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
