I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
