Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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