I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
