I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
