Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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