you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
