And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize