my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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