You're completely useless in the revolution.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
