i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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