We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The beer is more important than you right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
