you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
