I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
