i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
