your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
