i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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