They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
