so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
