This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
