he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
