rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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