Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
