My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
