uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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