apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
