Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
