watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
