He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
