Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
