I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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