Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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