do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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