i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
