Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
