he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
