Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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