My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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