Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it because I queefed?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
