If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
sex in a hospital.. check
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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